A friend said to me just yesterday, "I can tell you from a building perspective, the last 10% is the hardest to get through". I needed to hear that. I needed to justify my new found anxiety as being typical so I don't suddenly talk myself into giving up. For the first time since deciding to move to Belize, I felt doubt about what I've been doing here and what I've invested everything into. So close to the finish line and almost down to the last dollar, but not quite there yet with plenty of loose ends to tie.
It was around 3 years ago that I made the biggest decision of my life to sell my house, quit my job and move to another continent to pursue my dream. It's been almost 10 months since I actually did move and I have to say, it's been a whirlwind of experiences, trade-offs and tragedies. But through it all, I remained positive and always happy to be here. Nothing was going to bring me down or change my world. I knew my mission and my purpose was as clear as the Belizian stars at night.
I'm a true believer in the universe and that we all have a purpose and we face challenges for many reasons, but mostly to teach and guide us. We all receive these signs, but we don't always recognize them as such and we risk missing so many opportunities when we don't watch for them and don't follow our intuition and our purpose. What I learned about my purpose, is that it's exactly who I want to be. It's not a new position I was hired to fill that I'm in no way passionate about and just need the pay cheque at the end of it. It's exactly the change I want to see in the world, my mission is to do my part in that change. The most fitting way for me to help change the world, is to start by changing my own world. Creating the environment and life that I dream of living in and help inspire others along the way.
I chose to set up my new life in the most northern district of Belize, called Corozal, just over 3 miles outside of town within heavy bush jungle. I don't know why, I just felt a pull to this town and country. Even before arriving in Corozal, I felt a strong connection with it and knew I would connect well with the people here, mainly the locals, and I have... for the most part, with the exception of some less than upstanding seeds.. The other expats are a different story. I've bonded with a few that are wonderful human beings. But I was warned very early on that many are older, retired and bored and if you don't come with any baggage for them to talk about, they will make something up about you.... and surely they have haha. I was hoping they would come up with something interesting like I'm CIA or a voodoo witch doctor, but instead I got the crazy serpent pig lady.... I had a rescued pig living on the premises as my friend, not food. This seems to be a very foreign and "crazy" act to some people whom would otherwise only raise them as food. Eventually my poor pig went missing. I believe stolen. She used to wander off the property and visit the pond nearby and come back, til one day she never came back... She was such a character and I miss her dearly.
Belize is definitely a unique paradise with many flaws hidden behind a beautiful landscape of coconut trees and Caribbean Sea and littered with household garbage.. I'm not complaining, nor am I surprised, I knew I was moving to an under-developed country that was many years behind the times in many aspects. That doesn't change it's beauty or potential. Education is key. We didn't stop littering back in Canada until we finally learned in school why we shouldn't. Difference was, there were people paid to pick up all our litter, whereas here, not quite so much. I had this desire to help be a part of growth here and quickly became excited at the plan to give back graciously when I'm to become all set and off on a steady incline. People have been good to me here and are of some of the kindest humans I've ever met. Corozal has a good heart, it just needs a pumping of fresh blood to help strengthen it. It's almost like a Spanish Pleasantville, but with it's fair share of questionable activity, just as anywhere else. Regardless, I feel just as safe here as I did back in Toronto. Always being aware of your surroundings is good practice in any place. The difference I found here are that people say good morning when you walk by, or give a smile and nod. Kind gestures that aren't as plentiful in other places from my experience.
I love this diamond in the rough and that has never changed. But what has changed recently was the positive outlook I had on everything. Belize changed me in so many ways. I've become so much more in tune with my surroundings, nature, purpose and trust in the universe, yet somehow I reached a point of fear and doubt. Did I make a huge mistake? I was the one saying 'build it, they will come' but what if I built it and they didn't come? What if this was a really big mistake? What did I get myself into? I had a good life in Canada. Good job, had my cute house in the west end and I was surrounded by amazing family and friends. But..... what I didn't have was real happiness. I was happy enough, but not to the core of my potential for happiness and I knew this. I've always known it, I just never acted upon it until I finally did what led me to where I am now, today, at this moment in my home in my paradise that I've nicknamed The Garden of Vegan. I need to remind myself that I'm here creating a world that I can share with other like-minded and curious souls. We are all universally one and I want to help inspire others to make that connection. The fears and the doubt will pass, whereas our connections will live on through every being and all that exists.
It would be easy to simplify things and move into a tiny happy-shack on the water, away from civilization and live my definition of an amazing life.. and one day I might want to make that happen. But for now, that's not my purpose. My purpose is here, putting all my trust and hard work into something I'm most passionate about and a firm believer in, which is a vegan world.
I'm not gonna lie, although this has been one of the easiest decisions because of how much I want it, it's also been one of the most draining experiences and still continues to be, of my life. I feel beat up, exhausted, cranky and often frustrated and depleted. But behind it all, I'm as happy as I could possibly be because I'm exactly where I need to be.
This journey has taught me true gratefulness and shown me how we are all connected by earth, air, water and fire. Our existence is unnecessary for their existence, whereas their existence is necessary for ours. We are energy passing through as guests with hosts gracious enough to provide us with what we need to be present and living in this moment in such a paradise as this planet. Every part of it bears gifts that we need for our survival. Nothing and no one is without purpose here.
My life has been enriched in ways that never could have been possible without taking this journey. So even after having built it, if they don't come, I will have no regrets. It's been a wonderful life so far...